39-day cycles deserve a donkey kick in the teeth.

Let me tell you: There's nothing particularly funny about 39(ish) day cycles when you're trying to get pregnant.

And that's why 39-day cycles deserve a donkey kick in the teeth. Especially when you've also suffered through an ectopic pregnancy. Endless, people.

First, there's the extremely long wait (and subsequent neuroses) for the next cycle. You spend the first 18(ish) days twiddling your thumbs, cutting back on all things not fetus friendly, and planning for the impending sexual extravaganza of sorts (when you plan to spend a lot of time just trying to take in sperm and hope that it doesn't end up like that scene in Election, you know the one). Then, you're working and waiting. Then you're just waiting, especially if you have the flu and your spouse is kissing you goodnight on the cheek. At about day 34, your therapist tells you you aren't allowed to buy a pregnancy test for a week, OKAY? and you do anyway and feel only the slightest bit of guilt---it's negative. By the time day 38 rolls around, you're certifiably insane.

When your cycles are 39 days, your friends think you are either really, really stressed or a freak of nature because, ohmygod, who does that happen to? You spend a lot of time explaining to people that they just need to jump on board the Taking Charge of Your Fertility train, wherein the author explains that there really is not such thing as the normal cycle (thanks for the recommendation, Magpie). There's still a part of you that wonders, Is it really normal, though? I mean, if it isn't average? And if it provokes that kind of response?

There's also the monitoring and the expenses. The basal temperatures when your daughter wants nothing more than for you to get up RIGHTNOW! and get her yogurt. The ovulation predictor, when you try your hardest to test at exactly the same time every day but your crazy schedule just doesn't permit it---and this goes on for more than 3 weeks! The pregnancy test, when you hide it from your spouse because you don't want to tell him that you have spent at least (no lie, and an underestimate!) $500 in the last year on them.

Then there are the What should I NOT be doings? Which follow the Obviously I am doing something wrong here if I am not getting pregnant. Should he be eating cashews (Thanks, LC)? Should I not be drinking even one teeny tiny cup of coffee? If I run, will I hurt my chances? Should I cold-turkey my antidepressant again? And what about Sudafed for nasal congestion? And unpasteurized cheeses. Are those okay? And hot baths? And what happens when TM wants to warm her feet on my tummy? Can she not do that?

I just got off the phone with my doctor, who called in reference to a call I had made in reference to medications I should or should not be taking if (or if not) I am pregnant. I hadn't talked to her in a while because she was gone last fall when I was treated for my ectopic pregnancy. I thought she was in Ghana doing research, BUT OH NO!, she was home having her third baby in the same amount of time I've raised my little TM.

And long cycles make the wait to catch up to your OB so much harder, you know?

Anyway, here I am. Lost in my thoughts.

*Sigh*